You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
