Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
