just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
