after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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