Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
