i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
