If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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