After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
