I hope mine doesn't look like that
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
