everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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