Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
