Duck Duck Cougar?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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