omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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