Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
