Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
