Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
