So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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