I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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