Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
