Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
