his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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