Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
