just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
