I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
