he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
