Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
