Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
