I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
