well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
