I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
