when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
