remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You took a bar mat shot.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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