Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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