Ketchup is God's man juice
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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