Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
