watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
MIDGETS
????
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
