a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
