Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
