i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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