there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
