Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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