I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
