Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
