it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
