Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
