just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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