jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
