I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
