I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
