I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
