I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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