maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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